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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265655">A Long Cold Winter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmissmaya/pseuds/lilmissmaya'>lilmissmaya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Baby Snufkin, Children, Illness, Multi, Sick Fic, baby moomin, joxter needs a hug, polyship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:53:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmissmaya/pseuds/lilmissmaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>winter has been long, and spring seems to refuse to come. Living on the road is no longer fun when you can't warm up and your belly is empty. Little Snufkin is sick, and Joxter must make a decision. take his chances out on the road, or go back to moominvalley where moominpappa and a broken heart are waiting. </p><p>(sort of a re-write of tiny kitten teeth, now longer and more coherent. something to read while we're all stuck at home!)</p><p>(because the perfect way to express our health anxiety is to read about other people being taken care of.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joxaren | The Joxter/Muminpappan | Moominpappa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winter lingered long past when spring should have arrived. Still cold and spitting icy rain, the roads were mud and everything Joxter and snufkin owned was wet. His poor son was feverish and miserable with a head cold, joxter didn’t feel much better. He was soaked to the skin and freezing, even with snufkin tucked under his coat to share what little warmth they could. </p><p>If things were drier, they could have a fire. Get some hot tea, warm up, dry out their clothes. Snufkin coughed into his shirt, a deeper, wetter sound than it had been that morning. His child needed medicine, a warm bed, hot food…</p><p>He found a nook between the roots of a tree and a rock that was halfway dry. It wasn’t warm, but at least out of the wind and the rain. He was too cold and hungry to sleep despite his exhaustion. Who was nearby that he could stop in and visit? Someone who wouldn’t mind him staying around until snufkin was better?</p><p>The moomins? The valley wasn’t far away. Moominmaiden- no, Moominmamma would adore his son. Thing was, moomin-</p><p>Snufkin’s cough cut through his reservations, followed by wheezy little whimpers as he tried to burrow deeper into joxter’s shirt, looking for more warmth. He had no choice.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as it was light enough to see the trail, he headed out in the direction of moominvalley, carrying his son against his chest. </p><p>A day later and he was on the path down to the moominhouse in a haze. Little snufkin fussed and whimpered as he wheezed, and joxter couldn’t feel his feet. Which was probably for the best, he didn’t want to know what they looked like after days of walking in muck. He had to stop thinking about the cold, and just keeping on the path, one step after the other. </p><p>A small version of moomin opened the door, cradling a rag doll in one arm.</p><p>“Hullo?” wide blue eyes took him in, filthy and wet.</p><p>“Hi.” he croaked. “Are your parents home?”</p><p>To his credit, little moomin did not run screaming into the house. He merely took joxter’s paw and led him into the kitchen.</p><p>“Moomin, who’s at the d-oh! Joxter!” she tugged him to the stove, pulling his coat off before he could protest. “You’re soaked!”</p><p>Snufkin poked his head out of the coat, sniffling. </p><p>“Oh, hello there!” moominmamma cooed, taking him into her arms. “Oh, you’re freezing!”</p><p>“His name’s snufkin.” he was surprised how hoarse his voice was. “I’m sorry, could we stay until he’s better? He’s come down with a bad cold.”</p><p>“Of course. Joxter, take off your wet clothes and get yourself a cup of tea. I’ll get him warm and dry, then run you a bath.”</p><p>“Da?” snufkin whimpered, unsure about the stranger carrying him.</p><p>“She’s a friend, snufkin, she’s very nice.” his son whimpered again as she carried him upstairs.</p><p>Joxter sank down to the bench, strength gone. Yes, he needed to get the wet clothes off, tea would be wonderful- relief made him weak. If he could just… for a minute…</p><p>There was a tugging on his sleeve, he looked up to see the little moomin staring at him.</p><p>“Mamma said to take your clothes off.”</p><p>“Sorry my friend, I just need a moment.” he smiled weakly at him. </p><p>“I’ll help!” He carefully set his rag doll aside before working on his boots.</p><p>He was so cold, he couldn’t feel the warmth of the kitchen stove. He was thankful for the child’s help getting his boots and socks off, getting his belt undone. His hands were too frozen and stiff to do it himself. His fingers were white and blue, he didn’t want to see how bad his feet were. He sank back to the bench, clad only in briefs and his damp undershirt, shivering as he started to finally warm up. His head drooped down to the table top, if he just closed his eyes for a few minutes…</p><p>“Joxter?!” he jerked awake, the familiar voice making his heart skip. Moominpappa rushed down stairs, “what river did you get dragged out of? Here-” there was suddenly a towel, being used to roughly dry joxter’s hair, his arms and chest. “You’re half frozen!”</p><p>It was true, he’d warmed up enough to finally start shivering. Pappa wrapped him up in a robe, tying it firmly around his waist. </p><p>“Tea, tea, you need something hot…” he muttered, busying himself. Little moomin took this opportunity to take his rag doll and climb up into joxter’s lap. He was warm, a ball of baby fluff. It didn’t help the drowsiness over taking him. He should probably stay awake, he thought as he rubbed his eyes. Hypothermia? He should get something hot to drink and warm up but… his head drooped down again…</p><p>Pappa shook his shoulder and handed him a hot mug of very sweet tea, strengthened with a shot of brandy. It burned his paws, but it tasted so good. </p><p>Pappa settled on the bench next to him, wrapping an arm around him to share body heat. It was much too easy to lay his head on pappa’s shoulder, relax against him as he soaked up the warmth. It had been a very long time since another adult held him like this. He tried not to think about how nice it felt, or how much he’d missed-</p><p>Snufkin apparently had his fill of this strange woman fussing on him, wailing at the top of his lungs. Mamma came down with the struggling toddler, joxter accepted snufkin back into his arms, moving aside little moomin. </p><p>“Come on buddy, it’s okay.” but Snufkin had Had Enough. His nose and chest were stuffy, his head hurt, he Did Not Feel Good. his clung to his pappa and wailed his little lungs out, letting everyone know how he felt about this. </p><p>Moominpappa tried to take snufkin to comfort him, but the toddler was Not Having It. only his own pappa would do. He tried rocking him while sitting and that didn’t work, so he got to his half-numb feet and walked around the table. Around and around, half asleep on his feet as he tried to soothe his son. Slowly, the crying died into sleepy whimpers, and joxter tried to sit down. His head drooped down, before snufkin protested once more and he was awake with a start. </p><p>“Joxter, here. You should eat before you fall asleep.” she put down a bowl of porridge, a golden knob of butter melting on top. She tried to take snufkin again, but he clung like a limpet to his father’s chest. </p><p>“Sokay.” he mumbled, almost too tired to eat. He managed a few bites, feeding snufkin a few spoonfuls too to help settle him. But his head was feeling heavier and heavier, sinking down to his chest-</p><p>“Joxter,” he jerked awake. “Let’s get you to bed.”</p><p>“Once snufkin eats a little.” he mumbled. He hadn’t slept for...days? He’d been too cold, too hungry, trying to take care of snufkin. He was still chilled, but the warm tea in his belly, moominpappa radiating heat at his side, with an arm around him… moominmamma took snufkin out of his arms before he could drop him as exhaustion caught up with him and he slipped into sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He blinked awake in a strange bed, a pair of large blue eyes peering at him over the blankets. They ducked down when they realized he was awake.</p><p>“Hello?” he tried to remember where he was, still groggy. The bed was nice and soft, scented with rosemary and good soap. </p><p>“Hello!” a rag doll peeked back up over the edge of the bed, button eyes shining. A rag doll with little pointed ears and a long snout. Moomins. He smiled at the doll and patted it on the head.</p><p>“Did you come to check up on me?” the doll nodded.</p><p>“You slept all day!”</p><p>“I see.” he pushed himself up, covering his mouth as he coughed. His head pounded, feeling thick and heavy. His chest didn’t feel much better, burning as he coughed. He must have caught snufkin’s cold. He should go back to sleep-</p><p>Snufkin wails drifted up from the kitchen. Poor little guy, he’d never been very far from joxter’s side. Little moomin looked concerned, hugging his dolly to his chest.</p><p>“It’s okay. He just misses me.” he smiled at him, padding out of the room to find his son. He winced as his feet met the bare wood, feeling raw and blistered. <br/>Moominmamma had him in the warm kitchen. Snufkin hiccuped, reaching for his pappa as he coughed and cried. Joxter took him into his arms, cradling him close to his chest, calming him down. </p><p>“Easy there, I’m here.” he murmured, rocking him until the sobbing slowed, then finally hiccuped to a stop.</p><p>“His fever is down.” she said, smiling at the two. “Sit, I’ll get you something to eat.”</p><p>“Thank you moominmamma.” he settled, snufkin sniffling and popping a thumb into his mouth. He was already half asleep. Moomin clambered up next to them, watching snufkin’s face curiously.</p><p>“His name is snufkin.” joxter smiled, watching moomin gently pat his son’s hair. “He’s been sick.”</p><p>“Does he have a dolly? Would he like one?”</p><p>“I think he’d love to have a dolly.”</p><p>“I’m gonna make him a dolly.” he declared, before running off.</p><p>Moominmamma brought over a bowl of soup, thick with potatoes and bacon, along with bread and butter. It’d been… how long had it been since he had a good hot meal like this? He’d been giving most of his portion to snufkin, the little boy needed more food, he was growing.</p><p>Oh they were safe, there would be plenty of food for both of them, there was warmth and a dry bed- the stress of surviving the winter, the long cold spring fell off of him-</p><p>“Joxter?”</p><p>He covered his face with his free hand, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t stop them, he couldn’t stop the sobs wracking him. She didn’t ask, just pulling him against her chest so he could cry. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” he finally mumbled into her shoulder, after what felt like ages. He felt wrung out, months of stress finally finding its way out. She pulled away just enough so she could cup his face in her paws and kiss his forehead.</p><p>“It’s been hard, hasn’t it?”</p><p>“I… yeah… it’s been flooding in the lowlands, it’s…” it’d been hard to feel anything when everything was focused on simply surviving… he’d had to hold it together for snufkin’s sake, to keep him safe…</p><p>She smiled softly, taking his paws in hers. He hadn’t noticed how blistered and swollen they were before, they just ached so much like everything else in his body. </p><p>“Let me put some ointment on these and warm up your soup. A warm belly will help you feel better.”</p><p>“Thank you moominmamma.” </p><p>He made himself eat the soup, not pick at it slowly. He’d gotten into the strange habit of eating very slowly, taking a long time to chew between bites to make his food last. He didn’t need to do that here, he reminded himself. There was plenty of food for him and snufkin. Still, he couldn’t eat the whole bowl, feeling stuffed halfway through. </p><p>Moominmamma settled by him, knitting in paw. Little stockings appeared as she flicked the yarn around the needles, almost by magic. </p><p>His belly was full, snufkin was still sleeping on his lap in that boneless way children do. He should take him to bed, catch up on sleep. </p><p>But he was reluctant to leave the quiet company she provided. The clicking of the needles, the crackling of the wood in the stove… moomin padded in with some scrap fabric, clambering onto a chair so he could reach the table top. Pappa strolled in with him, mamma’s sewing kit in paw. </p><p>“Joxter, feeling better?”</p><p>“Yeah.” he smiled at him, more as pappa settled next to him to help moomin make the rag doll.</p><p>Snufkin coughed himself awake, drowsily taking in the new people. Moominmamma smiled, setting aside the nearly-finished stocking to make him up a little milk sop.</p><p>Still sleepy, snufkin accepted it and ate while sitting in his papa's lap.</p><p>“Da?” he looked up at him. “There’s plenty if you want some.”</p><p>“No, you go ahead. I already ate.” his child made a face, and he realized that was one of the excuses he used when there wasn’t enough for both of them. “Moominmamma fed me, I promise. Big bowl of soup.”</p><p>“You should have a piece of bread too, okay?” he watched him until moominmamma handed joxter a thick slice spread with jam. Snufkin nodded, turning back to his milk-soaked bread once he was sure his Da was going to eat. </p><p>He… hadn’t been as good as he thought at… the tears threatened to well up again. He rubbed at his eyes as he nibbled the bread, belly full to bursting, but snufkin was watching. Pappa put a comforting paw on his back. The warm paw, slowly rubbing in circles made his eyes heavy, made him lean into it. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming, a need for comfort, to distract himself from falling apart. He’d had an awful crush on him before, and he needed someone to hold him- he dug his fingers into his fur, trembling-</p><p>“Are you cold?” pappa mistook it for shivering, feeling his paws. “Let’s get you some coffee to warm you up.”</p><p>“Yes, good idea.” he hugged snufkin and shut his eyes tightly, trying to get his emotions in check. He didn’t need to fall apart again, not in front of the children… but it’d feel so good to kiss someone- the sudden hunger for affection was worse than being plain hungry. </p><p>Snufkin finished up his meal, carefully licking up any drops of milk off his spoon as he watched moomin. At least he was feeling well enough to notice the folks around him now. </p><p>“His name is moomin.” joxter told him softly. “Do you want to go play with him?”</p><p>Snufkin nodded and slipped off his dad’s lap, crawling under the table to pop up by moomin. Pappa appeared by joxter’s shoulder with the coffee, pressing into his aching paws. </p><p>“Lots of sugar, like you like it.”</p><p>“Thank you.” and he even managed to smile at him. The hot drink helped settle his nerves.</p><p>He was married, he had never felt the same way. Rejection would be even worse than the need for affection. </p><p>He closed his eyes, taking the chance of resting his aching head on pappa’s shoulder. He was okay. This was fine, this was enough. A little nibble of affection, a crumb. That’s all he needed. That’s all he could expect. </p><p>He smothered a coughing fit, bent over at the waist as it wracked him and left him breathless.</p><p>“Joxter?” pappa’s paw was on his back, patting him until he got his breath back. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“I should go back to bed.” he wiped tears out of his eyes, feeling a deep burning in his lungs. “I think I caught his cold.”</p><p>“You should, we can keep an eye on snufkin.”</p><p>His son looked up in alarm.</p><p>“It’ll be okay snufkin, I’ll just be upstairs.” he tried to smile, but he knew it didn’t come out right. “It’s okay, we’re safe. The moomins are very nice.” snufkin looked at them warily, not entirely convinced. </p><p>He dragged himself upstairs to the guest room, hugging himself tightly once he crawled into bed.</p><p>And let himself fall apart, dissolving into tears once again. Coughing and sobbing into the pillow, blankets pulled over his head. They were safe, they were safe. His heart ached, he could never have a family like this- he wanted to be held, made loved to and kissed, someone to give him comfort. He was okay, they were safe. He should be fine with just him and snufkin, but what if he could give snufkin a family? What if something happened to him? Oh, he was so lonely….</p><p>“Joxter?” his heart stopped as a familiar paw patted his back, muffled by the pile of blankets on top of him. “Are you okay? I heard crying…”</p><p>“I’m…” he trailed off, not sure how to answer. Joxter poked his head out from the covers, eyes red and swollen. “Sorry…” he mumbled.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, what’s wrong? Did we say something?” pappa placed the glass of medicine on the nightstand, sitting on the mattress by him. </p><p>“No… it’s… me. Everything. I don’t know.” he slumped into himself, exhausted. “I’m so tired.”</p><p>“What do you need?” he cupped his face, wiping away tears with his thumb. His heart thumped.</p><p>“I…” he was interrupted by another coughing fit, bent over as he tried to get air in.</p><p>“Here, drink this.” he wrapped an arm around him, supporting him as he helped him drink the medicine. “You’re so thin, no wonder you’re ill. The wind must go right through you.”</p><p>“Food was hard to get.” it was hard admitting it out loud. Hard to admit he failed at taking care of his son all on his own. “Snufkin needed it more than me.”</p><p>“He’s a fine boy.” pappa smiled at him, helping him lay down. “Now, it’s time for you to rest.” he tucked the blankets around his shoulders, smoothing out his hair. </p><p>He wanted to ask him to stay, to hold his paw or kiss him. Crawl in bed with him and help ease the cold that was still in his bones. But the words caught in his throat, and pappa left him alone. </p><p>He curled up on himself, staring at the walls until exhaustion finally caught up with him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you all doing o</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Joxter…” pappa murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “It’s morning, you should get up.”</p><p>“Mmm.” he arched his neck back, letting the kisses trail down his shoulder, to his collarbone. He buried his fingers into his thick fur, tugging him closer. He was so warm, he felt so good pressed against him. </p><p>“The children will be wanting breakfast.” another kiss, on his ear. “We better get up.”</p><p>“A few more minutes-” pappa’s paws were on his waist, running down his hips and back up. “A few more-”</p><p>A fit of coughing woke him up. No moominpappa, just him and snufkin curled up against his chest. His son made a soft noise, shifting and pulling the blanket up. </p><p>His head thumped sluggishly, he stuffed down a groan. </p><p>“Stupid beast.” he muttered to himself, hugging his son to himself. He was frozen, even with Snufkin's warm body with him. He indulged for a moment, the memory of how warm his friend had been in his dream. The heat of him had been wonderful and his chest hurt with how much he wanted it. Comfort, that’s what he wanted, he told himself. You just want comfort. Anyone’s comfort. </p><p> </p><p>Somehow he dozed off again, until snufkin shook his shoulder</p><p>“Da! She made breakfast for us!” he whispered excitedly. “There’s so much food! Wake up!”</p><p>“Coming buddy.” it took him a moment to get up, his head not liking the movement. He was dizzy, everything ached. Coffee, that would make him feel better. Food wasn’t as appealing, but he wasn’t going to turn it down.</p><p>He let himself be pulled down the stairs to the kitchen, where a normal moomin breakfast was waiting for them. Fried potatoes, eggs, ham, pancakes with jam, scones with more jam and clotted cream. Snufkin couldn’t remember seeing this much food in one place before and didn’t know where to start. Moomin was delighted to serve up his new friend, putting the best tidbits on Snufkin's plate. To joxter, it was a little overwhelming. Maybe just a plain pancake would be easy on his stomach?</p><p>“Are you feeling better?” pappa asked, putting a paw on the small of his back. </p><p>“Not really.” the room spun if he moved too fast. Maybe if he ate he’d feel better… he rubbed his face. </p><p>“Let me see-” oh he really was warm, joxter could feel it radiating from him as he felt his friend’s forehead. “Mamma, he’s running a fever.” </p><p>“Oh dear.” he closed his eyes as she felt his face. She was warm too, smelled like food, with lavender and rosemary under that. “Oh you poor thing, why don’t you head back to bed? I can bring you breakfast up there.”</p><p>The last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts and worries. “No, it’s okay. I’d rather be here with everyone.”</p><p>“If you’re sure. What would you like to eat?” she hugged him and his heart skipped. </p><p>“Just some tea would be fine.” snufkin looked up in alarm.</p><p>“Da, you have to eat!”</p><p>“Snufkin, your pappa isn’t feeling well.” mamma looked at joxter, then his son.</p><p>“No, he has to eat!” he was getting upset, tears starting to well up.</p><p>“It’s okay, buddy. I’ll have some toast.”</p><p>“With gravy?” </p><p>“With gravy, yes.” She looked worried, but helped him settle down at the table, making up the toast. Snufkin watched him carefully until he took a bite, then nodded and went back to his own food. Moominmamma glanced at pappa, tilting her head in concern. He just shook his own in reply. Better to ask him about it later. She added some potatoes onto his plate and sweetened up his tea. There was a warm feeling in his belly, something more than tea but he wasn’t sure what it was. </p><p>Once breakfast was eaten and the remains cleared up, the family stuck around the kitchen table. It was still cold and damp outside, and cozy in the kitchen. Mamma finished the stockings and put them on snufkin, then cast on for another pair. The children were working on the doll together now, carefully stuffing the limbs with rags. Pappa was writing in a book, muttering and crossing out words, then rewriting it again. Joxter had found a book, some sort of romance novel and was trying to read it. He could read, quite well, something he tried not to let other people know. But the words kept swimming around the page when he tried to focus on them. His eyes were getting heavier, and he found himself with his cheek pillowed on his arm as moominpappa shook his shoulder. </p><p>“It's bed for you, my friend.” he couldn’t argue with that. His head spun as he stood up, needing pappa’s help to keep steady up the stairs.</p><p>Laying down felt so good on his head, and he burrowed into the blankets. </p><p>“Moomin…” he mumbled, feeling like he was dreaming again. “I rather… rather…” he drifted off before he could finish the thought. </p><p> </p><p>He slowly came to himself, face pressed into something hard. Where?</p><p>He tried to roll onto his back, but didn’t have the strength to push himself over. It wasn’t so bad, he decided. He’d just sleep here. Things faded.</p><p>The next thing he was aware of was someone yelling and crying, shaking his shoulder. Cracking open an eye, he saw a pretty little child crying, begging him to… he couldn’t catch the words. He knew the little boy, but he couldn’t figure out how. He coughed into the floor, unable to lift his head up. He should… he was sinking back into something dark and warm, noises very far away. </p><p>He was rolled over onto his back, his face no longer pressed into the hard thing. He cracked open an eye as someone picked him up, moved him. White, long nose, furry. Moomin, the name drifted in and out. </p><p>He was set onto something softer and he groaned in relief. Much nicer than the hard thing. </p><p>Thirsty, he was thirsty. He’d tried to find something to drink. The thought drifted through, and he tried to tell moomin, but the words couldn’t make it out of his throat. Someone was crying again, a murmur of voices that floated around him. A touch on his face, touching his hair, that was nice. He should say… say… the heavy warmth was pulling him down again, muffling the noises. It filled his nose and mouth and made it hard to breathe. He drifted off. </p><p> </p><p>Snufkin was hysterical, sobbing and clinging to moominpappa, begging him to wake his da up. Moominmamma pushed them out of the room, turning to the limp figure of joxter. He was flushed with fever, barely responding when shook. He would mutter, blink a little, then sink back to wherever the fever had taken him. </p><p>She bathed his face with cool water, quietly cursing herself. She’d been more worried about snufkin than joxter, thinking his lethargy had been stress and lack of food rather than illness. He coughed and muttered in his fever-sleep and she pushed away those thoughts. No time to beat herself up, he’d probably been hiding illness and exhaustion for a while now, and of course once he got to a safe place… she smoothed his shaggy hair out of his damp face. </p><p>He had very little reserves to draw from, so she needed to get his fever down as quickly as possible. She trickled medicine and broth down his throat. He murmured quietly and drank whatever she gave him. </p><p>Hours passed, the sun coming out from behind the clouds. The light tracked across the floor, up the wall. Joxter stirred, eyes half opening. They still glittered with fever, and he looked around the room without recognition. </p><p>“Joxter?” she asked softly. He glanced at her in confusion, as if trying to place her. She smoothed back his hair again, lifting his head so he could drink from a tumbler of cold tea. He gulped it down, draining the cup quickly before coughing.</p><p>“Where?” he asked hoarsely, once the fit settled. </p><p>“You’re here in moominvalley.”</p><p>“I don’t..” he trailed off, eyes closing for a moment. “Snufkin?”</p><p>“He’s with moominpappa and moomin.”</p><p>“Moomin…” he murmured, drifting off. “Moomin…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you all doing okay out there?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was alarmingly still after that. Occasionally he would murmur, open his eyes. If she fed him water and medicine, he would drink it, his eyes would flutter, but he wouldn’t wake. The sun set, the moon rose. Pappa padded in to check on her. </p><p>“I put the children to bed, snufkin is still upset. How is he?”</p><p>“He’s weak.” there was just the faintest movement of his chest to show he was still alive. “He’s very weak.”</p><p>“I’ll sit with him for a while. You get some rest yourself, mamma.” he hugged her tightly before she slipped out.</p><p>He settled by the bed, slipping his paw under the blankets to find joxter’s cold one, giving it a squeeze. To his surprise, there was a squeeze back.</p><p>“Joxter?” there was a sleepy mumble back, eyes half opening. He was struggling to focus on moomin, but smiled when he finally recognized him. </p><p>“Hey sweety…” he slurred. “Breakfast time?”</p><p>“Not yet.” he tried to smile through his worry. “You can go back to sleep.”</p><p>“Should check on the babies…” he tried to sit up, not doing so well. </p><p>“They are still asleep, I just looked in on them.”</p><p>Joxter gave up on moving, sinking back into the pillow. He squeezed his paw again, taking comfort in the small movement.</p><p>“I’m cold.” he whimpered. “Come back to bed.” his face was burning hot, even as he shivered with chills. </p><p>“I’ll make you up a hot water bottle.”</p><p>“Come back to bed...I love you… we can…” he trailed off, losing his strength to talk.</p><p>Moominpappa hesitated, then slipped under the covers with him. Just for a few minutes, until he settled back to sleep. Joxter coughed and burrowed into him. And after a few minutes in pappa’s arms, his breathing settled into a regular rhythm. He felt so fragile, not the study, somewhat stout joxter he had known.<br/>He should get out of the bed, back in the chair. It wasn’t a good thing to be holding him so  close under the blankets. But joxter was so sick, and he seemed to be comfortable cuddled against him. </p><p>He said he loved him.</p><p>He’d never said anything before, although he suspected joxter had had a crush on him before. It was impossible that joxter was still holding a torch after all this time. The man was just confused, his brain fried with fever.</p><p>He really should get out of this bed. </p><p>Joxter whimpered in his sleep, pressing his face into moominpappa’s shoulder. And something in pappa’s chest twisted at the noise.</p><p>“Shhh… it’s okay, you’re alright.” he murmured, until joxter settled. Maybe it would be okay, to stay like this for a little while longer. Until the medicine kicked in and the fever broke. </p><p>Just for a little while longer.</p><p> </p><p>“Da? Da, please wake up!” a small voice was in his ear, shaking his shoulder. Joxter struggled to wake up, like climbing up out of a deep well.</p><p>It was bright in the room, the light making snufkin’s hair glow. His face was scrubbed clean, wearing a new smock. He looked pink and healthy, his cold long forgotten.</p><p>“Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” he managed, voice almost gone from coughing. </p><p>“I miss you.” he sniffled, on the edge of tears. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m still a little sick.” strange dreams were tugging at him, trying to pull him back into darkness. It was taking everything in him to keep his eyes open. </p><p>“I got you some bread.” he pulled a couple slices out of his pocket, only slightly squashed. “You gotta eat so you can get better.”</p><p>“In a little bit…” he murmured, starting to drift. His vision was fading out. </p><p>“Please da? Just a little?”</p><p>“Snufkin, let your pappa be.” moominmamma came into the room, She had a warm plaster to put on joxter’s chest, to loosen up the cough. “Go and play with moomin.”</p><p>“But he needs me! I can take care of him.” it broke her heart and she swept him up into her arms and to her chest. “I can take care of him, honest!”</p><p>“I know, sweety, you’ve done such a good job. But moominpappa and I are here now and we can do it for you.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“I’m very sure.”</p><p>“You’ll make sure he eats? He pretends like he does, but he doesn’t.” </p><p>“I’ll make sure he eats some soup, my little one.”</p><p>“Can I stay with him? For a little while?”</p><p>“Alright.” there were more words, reassuring murmurs and purrs. Joxter drifted off, sinking into the darkness. </p><p> </p><p>Moominmamma did not like how quiet joxter was again. He did not mumble or shift when moved, he didn’t open his eyes when she shook his shoulder. He’d swallow when he put medicine under his tongue, but otherwise he was limp. </p><p>It lasted until the afternoon, when he broke into a soaking sweat. He mumbled and tossed, fighting against something as the fever broke. </p><p>She washed his face, and he finally opened his eyes, bright blue and without the glassy glitter of fever.</p><p>“That’s nice.” he mumbled, sighing happily. She helped him sit up, washed the sweat off his skin and helped him into a fresh pajama shirt. He leaned into her, eyes closed, and she thought maybe he had fallen asleep. </p><p>“What happened?” he finally mumbled. “Where’s snufkin?”</p><p>“You came down with a high fever. I finally convinced your son to go play with moomin, poor thing has been worried sick about you.” she laid him down on a dry pillow, arranging the blankets around his shoulders.   </p><p>“I don’t remember.” he made a pleased noise as she brushed his damp hair out of his face, putting her paw on his chest. There was such a loneliness in his eyes, his face crumpled as she pulled away. </p><p>“Are you hungry? You’ve been…” she trailed off, feeling something strange in her chest as she met his eyes. “I’ll heat up some soup for you.”</p><p>“I…” he looked like he was about to ask something, say something. But he glanced away from her, his pale face turning pink. “Thank you.” she rushed out.</p><p>She was surprised at herself, not one to run away from such things but… she tried to distract herself by throwing together a little light soup for him. There had been such need, such loneliness in his eyes and she had wanted nothing more than to kiss away the sadness. Where had it come from? Maybe it had been her relief that the fever had broken. Yes. that was it. It must be it.</p><p>Snufkin was already clinging to his father when she brought up the food. She gently pulled him off so she could help him sit up, help him eat. </p><p>“Da’s going to be alright now, right?” he clutched his new dolly to his chest.</p><p>“Yes, but he needs to eat and rest for a few days before he can play with you again.”</p><p>“Sorry buddy.” he said, giving snufkin’s paw a quick squeeze. “You mind moominmamma and moominpappa, okay?”</p><p>“I’ll… okay.” snufkin sniffed and rubbed his face on his doll before she shooed him out again.</p><p>“He’s been good?”</p><p>“He’s a good boy, worried like crazy about you. Worried if you’re eating or not.” he stared down at the blankets<br/>.<br/>“Ah.” he didn’t meet her eyes as she set up the tray for him. He tried to take the spoon, but his hands were swollen and stiff. She took it, feeding him careful bites. He was trying, but he was easily tired, and after a few bites pushed her paw away. </p><p>“I can’t, it's too much.”</p><p>“A little then, every hour or so. We shouldn’t overwhelm your stomach.”</p><p>“Thank you mamma.” she helped him lay down again, he was asleep in moments. </p><p> </p><p>Pappa met her at the stairs. “The children said he was awake-”</p><p>“He’s resting now, but the fever did break, if you want to see him.”</p><p>“Ah well… if he’s resting right now… maybe in a bit.” he fiddles with the brim of his hat, putting it on, taking it back off again. He turned to go down the stairs, then turned to go up.</p><p>“Pappa, dearest?”</p><p>“Yes, my love?”</p><p>“Do be gentle with his feelings? He’s not strong right now, and he’s so lonely.”</p><p>“Harump, him, lonely? He always found someone to spend a night with.” there was a surprising note of bitterness in his voice. strange, since he’d been so tender and gentle with joxter since his appearance on their doorstep. She thought of the man bursting into tears when given a bowl of hot soup, exhausted and trying to hold it together until he and his child were finally safe. The way he had relaxed into sleep once pappa put an arm around him.</p><p>“I always thought he had a bit of a crush on you.”</p><p>“Him? Never.” he was crumpling the brim of his hat, not meeting her eyes.</p><p>“I’m sure he’d like you to see him, nonetheless.”</p><p>She cleaned up the kitchen, prepared supper for the family, and mixed up more medicine. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. </p><p>There was a murmur coming from joxter’s room, she peered inside. Pappa was there, reading to him, paw in paw. </p><p>She should be jealous of pappa’s tenderness and joxter’s need. But jealousy wasn’t her way, and it was sweet. To see him so gentle, these little moments. Affection for both of them filled her chest- such sweet, silly beasts. She loved both of them. This… they would have to work out between them.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days later and joxter still felt terrible. But he made himself get dressed. Trousers, shirt, smock. A break in between each piece to catch his breath. At least the room didn’t insist on spinning around him too much. </p><p>Slowly, carefully, he made his way down the stairs. His legs felt like rubber, he had to hold onto the handrail for dear life. </p><p>But going outside into the fresh air and sunlight was worth it. The weather had finally cleared and spring had come out with a vengeance. The grass had greened up with the sun, the meadows and trees were heavy with flowers. It was good to feel the sun’s warmth on his face, smell the scent of green things.<br/>He settled on a lawn chair, stretching out his legs and pulling his hat over his eyes. A nap in the sun sounded like a great idea. Of course, in moments there were two children in his lap, smelling of grass and warm dirt.</p><p>“Do you want to play with us, joxterpappa?” moomin wagged his tail, eyes bright. “I found a bunch of tasty grubs, do you want one?”</p><p>“You should come explore, da!” snufkin said at the same time, a flower crown drooping over one eye. “There’s lots of neat stuff!”</p><p>“Not today, I think I need to rest up a bit more. I might nap.”</p><p>“But you’ve slept all week!” moomin protested. Snufkin, however, took on a serious look, feeling his father’s face with all the intensity of a qualified doctor.<br/>“You’re not warm. Good.” he nodded to himself. “Da needs to rest, let’s nap with him for a while.”</p><p>Moomin shrugged, tucking himself under one arm, snufkin under the other. Naps in the sun were a perfectly worthwhile way of spending a spring morning. <br/>Snufkin quietly listened to his father’s hoarse breathing. His color was less funny than it had been, that was good, right? Da cuddled him close, shifting to rest his cheek on snufkin’s hair. He snuggled down, popping a thumb in his mouth.</p><p>Da had fainted once on the trail. His face had gone white and sweaty before dropping to the ground, scaring the life out of snufkin. He’d been able to wake him up after a few minutes, but he’d needed to sit for a while with his head between his knees. He’d practically forced his Da to eat one of the wrinkly apples they’d been saving, feeding him bites until the shaking stopped and a little color came back to his face. </p><p>He’d known something was going on with him, but not exactly what. Only that there was less food to find or ask for, people were much less friendly. Da would return empty handed, or with bruises on his face. A few potatoes, old apples. Some half-frozen onions he’d dug up. Da’s normal squish around his belly went away and his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He didn’t sing much, he ran out of breath easily, and had to rest more. Oh, he’d always somehow make sure snufkin didn’t go to bed hungry, but he… snufkin pretended he didn’t notice but he did-</p><p>There was plenty of food here, and the moomins were friendly. Mamma was always picking him up, hugging him and moomin. She was nice to Da too, which was good cause he was so worried he could cry. Sometimes he did and she’d pick him up and carry him around. Sometimes moomin’s Da would do the same. <br/>Da would be okay, right? Mamma and pappa would tell him he would get better, it would just take time. And he was outside, and he had been eating, and that was good, right?</p><p>There was a pat on his paw, moomin looked at him over the curve of his Da’s chest. </p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” but he sniffled, eyes welling up. He was so worried. Moomin wiggled down and ran around to snufkin’s side to crawl up and hug him.</p><p>“Is it about your papa?”</p><p>“Y-yeah.” he was squashed between his father’s body and moomin and was okay with this. It felt safe. Joxter shifted and rolled onto his side, so the children were against his chest.</p><p>“Mamma and pappa will take good care of him.”</p><p>“I know.” he hiccuped. The tears were welling up anyway. He tried to hold them back, he didn’t want to wake his Da up, but-</p><p>“Buddy?” his Da hugged him close, half awake. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I just-” he hiccuped again and clutched at him. “You’re going to be okay, right?”</p><p>“Of course, I’m over the worse of it. I just need to take it easy for a while, and I’ll be right as rain.”</p><p>“And you’re going to eat, right?” not just pretending to eat or saying he already ate, or nibbled on a potato for an hour- he couldn’t help it, the tears started to come out and he buried his face in joxter’s shirt. “I’m sorry!” it was all his fault, his Da did it for him-</p><p>“Hey there, don’t be sorry.” he sat up so he could cradle him against his chest, pressing kisses on his hair. “We’ll be okay here. There’s plenty for all of us, we can go get snacks now if you want.”</p><p>“B-but your nap!”</p><p>“I can nap after, while you two play.” he coughed a little rubbing his chest. Snufkin gave him a look, and he did his best to smile. “Just the last of the chest cold. Come one, little beasts, let’s see what’s in the pantry.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing up?” moominpappa asked quietly as they came into the kitchen. “You should be in bed.”</p><p>“I needed sun and air. I’ll go back to my nap in a little bit, the younglings wanted a snack.”</p><p>“You sit, you look like you can barely stand. How would you boys like some bread and pumpkin jam?”</p><p>“Joxterpappa would like some too.” moomin said, trying to be helpful. </p><p>“Of course he would, he’s always loved pumpkin jam.”</p><p>“It's true, I do.” he settled at the table, tired out from the short walk from the yard to the kitchen. Pappa put the back of his paw on joxter’s cheek, their gazes meeting for a moment before he pulled away. </p><p>“Bread and jam coming right up.”</p><p>Eating was so tiring. He took small nibbles of his bread, watching the kids devour their snacks in moments. He should be starving, but his stomach cramped at the food. He’d been too sick to eat much at a time, a few bites here and there. Or maybe a few months of starvation rations had messed up his system and his stomach refused to tolerate food anymore. He set aside the bread to rub his face.</p><p>“Joxter, are you okay?” pappa had noticed the half-eaten snack.</p><p>“I can’t, it’s too much.” he was going to be sick. He covered his mouth with both paws to hold it down. </p><p>“How about some broth? Something warm?”</p><p>“I’ll try it.”</p><p>Moominmamma always kept a pot of soup stock simmering on the side of the stove, bits of leftover vegetables and bones cooking down slowly. Pappa ladled out a mug, putting it into joxter’s paws. They ached, they were still sore and stiff, swollen at the joints. But the warmth felt good. It went down much easier, settling his stomach enough he finished the bread and jam. Snufkin hugged his pappa’s knees in delight, this bit of normalcy settling his mind. Joxter smiled, smoothing out the unruly curls. </p><p>“You ready to go play with moomin?”</p><p>“Sure!” moomin tugged at him and they went racing out of the kitchen. </p><p>“And you are going upstairs to bed.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine in the lawn chair. I need the air.” he tried to stand up, finding himself dangling in moominpappa’s arms. </p><p>“I’ll carry you upstairs if I have to.” he growled, putting one of joxter’s arms over his shoulder, his own firmly around his waist. “You should not have been out of bed.”</p><p>“I’m fine, I just forgot and stood up too quickly.”</p><p>“Forgot, forgot what?! It shouldn’t happen at all!”</p><p>“It’ll go away-” he had to stop and catch his breath, dizzy and coughing and clinging to pappa. “Once I can eat normally.”</p><p>Moominpappa glared at him, finger digging into his waist as he gripped him tighter. </p><p>“I know, I know...” joxter muttered. “I know I’ve taken-” he had to take a breath, “things a little far, but snufkin’s growing… he needed it more than me.” a coughing fit finished it off as they finally reached the top of the stairs.</p><p>“And what would have happened to him if you’d gotten sick and collapsed out there? Stupid.” pappa muttered, echoing joxter’s own fears. It hurt so badly to hear it from him. “You should have come here sooner, even if we were asleep. I would have taken care of you.”  </p><p>“I know.” he flopped into bed, relieved to be laying down again. He was right, he was stupid, he should have come to them sooner. He put snufkin in so much danger…</p><p>Pappa straightened him out and tucked him in almost aggressively before fiercely kissing his forehead. The force of it pushed him into the pillow, pinned him to the mattress. He was so lonely, he shouldn’t be lonely, he had a son! He was so lonely and moominpappa was here. But he didn’t move, arms pinned down by the blankets, and pappa pulled away. </p><p>“Get some sleep, I’ll bring you your supper.”</p><p>“Thank you.” it was the only thing he could manage. </p><p>Moominpappa was right, he really was stupid.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Little moomin and snufkin tugged him out of bed the next morning to come play with them. He made it as far as the porch, but that was good enough for them. His hands still didn’t want to work, well, not much of him wanted to work really. So he couldn’t braid flowers for them, or make little grass animals. His heart wasn’t into singing, nor did he have the breath for it. </p><p>So the children made a game of finding things and bringing them to him, and he’d make up a little story. Shiny rocks, new flowers. A black beetle, smooth as a jewel. Moomin found more grubs and offered them to joxter as a snack. He passed, but moomin made sure they didn’t go to waste. <br/>They ran off again, something about finding tadpoles in the stream. Joxter laid down on the planks of the porch, the sun-warmed wood still holding a hint of the damp from winter. </p><p>He was… going to get better, right? He’d never been this sick in his life. Granted, he didn’t remember much of his early life, but he’d remember being trapped in bed for a week with a fever? He’d barely had the sniffles before this winter.</p><p>Even on the hard porch floor, sleep was tugging at him. It was quiet, peaceful here...safe. </p><p>A shadow came across him, and he opened his eyes to find moominmamma standing over him.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Just resting my eyes.” he sat up, pleased he didn’t get dizzy. She settled by him, putting an arm around him. He was surprised by how his heart skipped at the touch. A good sort of dizziness. He leaned in her, she was warm and soft. Much better than the wood flooring. </p><p>“Da!” the kids skidded to a stop in front of the porch, jars full of stream water in the paws.</p><p>“Shhh.” moominmamma smiled down on joxter, dozing on her shoulder. His breathing was slow and easy, face relaxed. “I think you two tired him out a bit.”<br/>“I didn’t mean to…” snufkin’s face crumpled, “I just wanted to-”</p><p>“Shh, it’s okay sweetheart. He just needs a nap. You two go find some minnows, okay?”</p><p>Moomin tugged him away, rubbing his friend’s back. </p><p>“Is he crying?” joxter straightened up, opening his eyes. “I’ll go get him.”</p><p>“He’s fine, you stay here with me. You looked comfortable.”</p><p>“I’m sure you have things to do.” but he sunk against her again. She nuzzled his hair, setting his heart to thumping again.</p><p>“Mamma…” he said, feeling a little breathless. “If you keep doing things like that, I might do something I regret.”</p><p>“Oh, like what?” she said, flirting. </p><p>“Like kiss you.”</p><p>“And why would you regret that?”</p><p>“Because you’re my friend’s wife.”</p><p>“And would my husband be jealous of you kissing me-” she laced her fingers with his. “Or of me kissing you?”</p><p>“I don’t understand.” but he didn’t pull away. </p><p>“I think pappa likes you more than he would admit. Would he be jealous if I kissed you?”</p><p>“I… I like moominpappa quite alot. I don’t…” his head spun as his heart beat harder. “He loves me?”</p><p>“He may say he does not, but I think he does.”</p><p>“I don’t know. I can’t think straight.”</p><p>“There’s no need to rush.” she kissed his ear lightly, “why don’t you rest a while?”</p><p>“You must have many things to do…” he closed his eyes, getting drowsy.  </p><p>“Supper can cook without me watching it, and the bread is already baked. What is the point of a porch if you can never sit on it and watch the children play?”<br/>“Mmm.” was the only reply he could come up with, mostly asleep. </p><p> </p><p>He spent the rest of the day between moominmamma and the children. They came in from their games covered in stream-mud and burrs, and he gave them a bath, something he could do to help out. Hot water was a novelty to snufkin, used to quick dips in streams and seawater for washing-up. So a bath was an exciting event, an opportunity to soak in warmth as joxter fought to get the burrs out of moomin’s fur. He managed to get them clean and dry, brushing out moomin until he was a ball of fluff. </p><p>He felt feverish by the time he was finished. But it was nice snuggling up with two clean babies, damp and scented with soap. </p><p>“Da, you’re pale again.” snufkin patted his cheek. “And warm.”</p><p>“I think I did too much today.” he touched his forehead to snufkin’s, then rubbed his nose against his. “Early bed for me.”</p><p>“But you need to eat supper!” he said in alarm. “You have to eat!”</p><p>“I will, buddy, I will.” it was going to be a struggle, he didn’t even want to walk back down the stairs. He swallowed hard, using the door frame to get to his feet and the wall to keep steady. </p><p>“You okay, Da?”</p><p>“I’m a little dizzy.” the floor wanted to move and twist under him. “I think…” he rubbed his face. “I’ll eat my supper up here. Could you tell moominmamma?”<br/>He could feel little moomin’s paws on his waist. “I’ll tell mamma.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Bed for your pappa.” moomin declared. “Mamma would agree.”</p><p>Snufkin couldn’t argue with that, so they both led joxter to his room, letting him flop on the mattress and awkwardly cover him as best they could. </p><p> </p><p>Moominmamma found him like that, legs half hanging off the bed, face down in his pillow.</p><p>“Joxter, dear.” she shook his shoulder, getting a soft groan and a cough.”lets you get you straightened up.”</p><p>He tried to roll over, tangling himself up. He was pasty again, eyes shut tight against dizziness.</p><p>“‘M sorry,” he muttered before coughing. </p><p>“Shhh.” she helped him tug off his smock and pants, tucking him into bed. The heat radiated off of him, it looked like keeping his head up was a struggle again. “I have soup for you, I’ll help you drink it.”</p><p>“I’m sorry” he said again, accepting the mug of soup to his lips. He drank slowly, letting moominmamma wipe his mouth every so often. He managed to finish the mug’s worth of it, she wanted him to have the fluid more than the nutrition of it. </p><p>He was shivering under the blankets again, his breathing coarse and irregular. </p><p>“Oh joxter.” she smoothed out his hair, propping him up with pillows to help him breath. </p><p>“Moomin?” he muttered, almost hopefully. </p><p>“He’s taking care of snufkin, they’re having dumplings for supper.” she was sure he didn’t mean her son. </p><p>“Mmm.” that seemed to settle him, his eyes closing and his face relaxing. </p><p>Pappa came up a little while later, twisting and rubbing his pipe between his paws. “The boys said…”</p><p>“His fever is back.”</p><p>“Idiot, up and doing too much, I told him-”</p><p>“Papa, hush.” He stopped talking, eyes now firmly on the floor.  “You know how contrary he is. Telling him to stay in bed is a good way of getting him out of it.”<br/>“Yeah.” he still couldn’t look at her or joxter. </p><p>“Do you want to sit with him for a while?”</p><p>“...yes.” she got up from the chair, letting him take her place. She kissed his temple. </p><p>“You love him.”</p><p>“No. he’s….” he flushed under his fur. </p><p>“You wouldn’t be this angry if you didn’t love him.”</p><p>“I’m not-” the pipe was about to break from the pressure. </p><p>“He and snufkin can stay with us as long as they like. Moomin could use a playmate.”</p><p>“Thank you mamma.” he took joxter’s paw in his own, rubbing his thumb across the back of it.  She kissed him again and started for the door.</p><p>“Mamma?”</p><p>“Yes dear?”</p><p>“I’m glad…. He’ll be alright, won’t he? The fever?”</p><p>“... I don’t know. But he’s fighting very hard.”</p><p>“Good. good…” he muttered, popping the unlit pipe between his teeth. She left him there, shaking her head softly once again. </p><p>It was a struggle to breathe. Every breath took so much energy to take in, fight against the congestion in his chest. <br/>There…. Was a door nearby. It sang to him, promised warm sun, soft grasses. No pain, no more fevers. Just peace and warmth. <br/>He was trying to ignore it, focus on getting air in and out. Because if he went through that door, he could never come back. <br/>Time was doing funny things. He thought he was awake, but he’d blink and it’d be dark, blink and the light was back. <br/>He was so tired. </p><p>Pappa held joxter, propping him up so he could breathe better. His chest rattled, but his heart beat was steady under pappa’s paws. The past few days he barely woke up, his breathing getting more and more labored. Pappa held him close, murmuring to him softly. Anything, anything if he’d get better.</p><p>He was so tired, and he could smell ripe peaches on the breeze. A full belly, sun on his face. It would be okay, it promised. <br/>He took a step towards the door. </p><p>Joxter’s heart missed a beat and his breathing hitched. </p><p>He could smell plums too, and it was warm and bright there. Yes, wouldn’t it be so nice, just for a little while, to stand here in the doorway, enjoy the breeze? <br/>Another step closer. </p><p>Another missed beat and his breathing came weaker. Pappa shook him, patted his back.<br/>“Joxter? Hey…”</p><p>No more exhaustion, no more hunger. No more loneliness, it sang. </p><p>Yes, he thought. He could see a place, a little hollow in the hill full of soft grass that he’d fit in perfectly. The sun filled his body, warmed his bones. </p><p>“JOXTER!”</p><p>And suddenly he gasped and choked and coughed, moominpappa shaking him and thumping his back until he coughed up a mouthful of something and he could take a half-full breath. </p><p>He looked up, still coughing and panting at pappa, who looked like he had tears in his eyes.</p><p>The doorway was gone, that lovely warmth and the promised peace. </p><p>“I was going to… almost…”</p><p>“shhh... “ he rocked him, “you’re not allowed to go anywhere. You have to stay here with me.”</p><p>Normally words like that would make him twitch and he’d have to run… but they were words he wanted to hear. Stay. </p><p>“Can we stay?” </p><p>“Yes, yes.” he patted his hair, roughly smoothing it back, kissing his face. “You need to get better for me. For me.”</p><p>He wasn’t saying it, but the intensity of his words, there was love behind them. The anger meant… he was tired, but his chest felt full with how warm pappa’s words were. </p><p>“Thank you moomin.”</p><p>“Get some rest.” moominpappa pressed his face into joxter’s shoulder. “When you’re  better I’m going to put you to work.”</p><p>“Yes moomin.” and he smiled at the threat. Things would be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>due to popular demand, I finally finished this one! so sorry about the long time between chapters. stuff happened and... I forgot about it. I hope you all liked it, and thank you for reading! please let me know what you thought of it!</p><p>and maybe I'll finish the other 6 fics I have in the basket...</p>
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